Everything I've Ever Dreamed Of

     When I was a little girl I dreamed of being a stay-at-home-mom. In fact, at my 10 year class reunion this past summer, my classmate told me a story about my 6th grade self, telling him that is what I wanted to be when I grew up (I don’t remember this at all, but he said he thought it was a weird response and he has never forgotten it). So, here I am.. 30 years old, happily married, 2 healthy kids, a cute dog, and living the dream raising these babies. I have everything I ever wanted.

     Yet, in my day to day life, I am stressed, overwhelmed, irritable, and sometimes down right sassy to my children and husband. Why? Why is it that I have everything I ever dreamed of having yet I am not always purely content? I believe it is because this time in my life is trying. Most days I am being pulled in so many directions, feeling like I’m falling short of meeting everyone’s needs, and if I’m being honest, it’s freaking hard. I feel like I need six sets of hands almost all moments of the day. I feel like I’m never caught up and my to-do list is never complete. I feel touched out and sometimes something as simple as going to the bathroom is a task that takes planning! Whew, no wonder I am crabby sometimes even though my dreams have come to fruition right before my very (tired) eyes!

     The truth is, it’s ok for me to feel overwhelmed. It’s ok that I have days where every little thing annoys me. It’s ok that I feel stressed out. It doesn’t mean I am not happy or that I am taking my blessings for granted. This is just a season in my life. A season of broken sleep, short nights, early mornings, and long days. A season that is testing me, stretching me, forcing me to grow and to lean into others for strength and help. But this is also a season of immeasurable love, so much laughter, and endless joy. It is a season of pride I never knew I could feel, sloppy kisses I never knew I needed, & squishy hugs that make the world seem right.

     When I reflect on my days, I know my babies are well cared for & oh, so very loved. They probably aren’t going to remember the mom who lost her patience, they are going to remember the mom who hugged them when they cried, the mom who sang and danced around the kitchen with them, the mom who sat on the floor and built lego castles. 

     So mama, if you have everything you ever dreamed of and you find yourself feeling lost, overwhelmed, or discontent, it’s ok. You are not alone. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. And you have the strength to climb every mountain (yes, even the mountain of laundry that seems to never get smaller) placed in your path! You don’t have to enjoy every single moment. Embrace the chaos. Remember this is just a season. Give yourself a pat on the back (or pour yourself a large glass of wine) and remember you were made for this. At the end of the day, when the babes are fast asleep and you reflect on your day, focus on your victories. Give yourself credit for what you did accomplish, even if it was nothing on your to-do list. Motherhood is no cake walk. It is a constant rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows. You can’t expect yourself to enjoy it all. I promise, you won’t regret spending your days this way. We are going to look back on this time in our lives and be thankful we chose the often thankless path of  motherhood. You’re doing great, mama… you’re doing great!

 - Kassidy K.