There’s that old saying; it's not how you fall but how you get back up that counts. That sentiment of resilience could not ring more true for me. My car accident really did a number on not just my body but on my mind as well. And I fell more times than I could count.
One second, I would be standing and the next second, I would be on the ground. It was as if the air had shoved me to the floor. But to be honest, I needed to have those moments. In the process of my recovery, I needed to feel angry. I needed to know what it was like to feel close to nothing so that I could feel everything. Anger is one hell of a motivating force. I am healthier about all that stuff now, but I knew how to hold onto spite with the best of them.
I mean who am I kidding that sort of mentality wasn’t born from my car accident. I was one of those people that would cut off their own nose to spite their face and I was almost PROUD of it. But I have to tell you once you start spending the majority of your time doing one thing (like rehab) it sort of resets your brain. Your temperament changes.
When I started looking forward to my training sessions, I thought I was losing my mind but once all of the anger drains away, all your left with is the gratitude. I mean for me, once I could stop being angry for having to struggle to learn how to walk again I was so grateful my body withstood what it did. I could have ended up with a lot more broken bones or paralyzed in a wheelchair. I never stopped to look at my glass as half full.
When It was just me and my treadmill I could zone out. I’d watch the clock and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Somewhere along the way and as I watched the seconds tick by my relationship with my body moved into a more permanent state of happiness. It wasn’t a vanity thing where I was happy with how my body was changing aesthetically. I was happy with my body’s tolerance. It hadn’t given up on me. I was grateful I had feeling in all of my toes, I was grateful that my knees weren’t aching every second of every day, I was grateful I could stand to my full height to look people in the eye again.
I have to tell you, I don’t know if it was a cosmic intervention or manifesting reality, but when I started to look at my body with love and gratitude everything just got easier. Whatever force was behind it became like a salve to my soul too. The body and the mind are both such resilient machines when you show them love and positivity they’ll reward you by letting all that love and positivity seep into all other aspects of your life as well. That’s a beautiful thing.
Until next time readers…
- Bianca A